Evaluating a student’s written IELTS essay (part 8 of 8)

okay now finally your prediction statement is not on topic so here in black we see the students original prediction statement it has predicted that a near future the seniors group will suffer especially their ill health will also rise with age so aside from the grammar the prediction itself is supposed to be an educated guess on your part how the growing population of aging people will affect society in the future so here the student talks about the ill health of the old people rising with age which i think is obvious and in the future seniors group will suffer but I think that we want to be it to have the the the prediction a little bit more on topic now if you look to the green I’ve rewritten the sentence although unfortunate the negatives oh this should be negative the negative impact impacts of an ageing society are only predicted to grow in the future so in the thesis we were talking about the negative or the positive remember we were to decide whether it was negative or positive now in the prediction we’re just saying whether we think this is going to continue are the negative things going to to become more and more or are they going to recede so I think that’s a sentence like this although unfortunate the negative impacts of an aging society are only predicted to grow in the future this takes the entire essay about what we’ve been arguing so that’s the growth of of old people in numbers in society is going to continue into the future and and we argued that this was negative so we’re also going to say that this is going to negatively a paksas impact Society more and more okay now finally sometimes students ask because it can seem like you’re repeating yourself many times in an essay so in this essay in particular we used some words like negative and society and elderly and and students sometimes they will come to me and they’ll say you know I feel maybe that this is going to be a bad thing if I keep repeating myself I think I should be writing new things all the time but that’s not entirely true sometimes not sometimes all the time you want to have some key words that appear throughout the essay so it shows that there’s kind of a link between each of the paragraphs and that the ideas are the same the things that need to be new are the ideas in the two supporting paragraphs and and the ideas presented in the introduction paragraph the conclusion paragraph itself should not contain any new information at all aside from your prediction your prediction is is perhaps a new idea because this is sort of your your feeling or your opinion on what’s going to happen in the future but but the the conclusions paragraph itself should not be presenting any new information you know to help argue because that should already have been done in the two supporting paragraphs right that’s what the supporting paragraphs do is they argue in favor of your thesis and they try to help you write your thesis you try to help you prove your thesis so here I wrote I know that it may seem like you’re repeating yourself a lot and using the words negative society and elderly many times in this essay but that is okay these are key words for the essay and help to show your essay is linked to your essay question okay so that concludes this video thank you for watching

26 Ottobre 2020 Uncategorized
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